First full book review


I knew after the first chapter that I was going to love Handcuffs, Truncheon & A Polyester Thong, and after the fourth chapter I knew you had written a seriously good book.  I was hooked and became very anti-social yesterday so that I could spend as much time as possible with my new friend, Mavis Upton.

It is hard not to sound like a sycophant, because often when asked for honest opinions, we don’t always give them; preferring instead to say how they are ‘wonderful’, ‘fabulous’, and ‘the best thing ever’.

However your book is all of those superlatives and more.

I love the way you start at the end of Mavis’ career and write by reflection.  It works so well in this book.  The way you link your chapters is spot on and your style of writing makes the book flow and therefore, it is easy to read.  You have brought the characters to life, not just Mavis and Joe, but the supporting cast too.  Your clever use of pathos and humour provides the book with balance.

The childhood stories about Christmas were so beautifully orchestrated, I could almost taste the chocolate pudding that had to be scraped from the ceiling.  I couldn’t contain myself with laughter when Ella told Mavis on the telephone that the hamster had ‘shat’ in the bath.  You ended that chapter with an excellent punch line.

Poor Petey.  How the hell did he ever pass his training, let alone his Probation.  Little Amy having to look after her siblings.  I could almost wipe her tears Gina, so real was your writing.

I loved the bald ‘druggy’ nutter in chapter 24.  The line ‘death to the infidels’ had me howling with laughter.  The whole chapter was hysterical, as was chapter 33, Captain Corelli’s Ukulele.  I was guffawing the whole way through the book.  Your Characters are believable and your storyline is sublime.  Whilst I was reading it I could see the visual pictures in my head, which make it all the funnier.

The story of Mavis’ Mum had me in floods of tears.  You made me feel every emotion she was feeling and my heart was breaking for her. Again you managed to weave laughter into this emotional piece by sharing her Mum’s sense of humour, which never left her even in her darkest hours.  The way you developed Mavis and Joe’s love story was brilliant.  It is easy to see why she fell for him and he for her.  The farting scene is hilarious.

If I carried on quoting everything that made me laugh or cry, we would be here all day and I have to start making amends to friends and family for cancelling lunch dates and the quiz night in favour of Mavis.

Gina, you really have penned a superb book which should be snapped up ASAP so that everyone gets the chance to share Mavis’ story.  It is a Policewoman’s Bridget Jones……if its not snapped up for film rights, I will eat your police hat, the one with the ‘unmentionable body part’ drawn inside!

I am honoured to have been asked to read it.  I wish for you to have all the success you deserve.  Now I can’t wait for book number two…!

As Mavis would say ‘faarking fantastic’……….


First Draft Chapter Reviews:
Couldn’t wait any longer, skived in the stationary cupboard and read the preview of Gina Kirkham’s book ‘Handcuffs, Truncheon and A Polyster Thong’…… Laugh out loud brilliance!
Loved it!! I’ll have to buy some panty liners for when I read the whole thing. Absolutely brilliant, so witty & cleverly written, love, love loved it!!! My boss wasn’t best pleased when I went missing for a good half hour though!
I have a wet patch on my chair and I was gutted when I got to the end….I need more!!!
It was illustrative, engaging, hilariously funny and most of all very, very real. I can honestly see this on WHSmiths bookshelf and being bought by yes okay, Bobbies, but also the “average Joe/Joanne” who want a good, light read, with lots of laughs. I love, love, love it Gina, you go girl!
Got to say really love it so far. Look forward to reading the rest.
It’s so funny and once I did start reading it, I didn’t want put it down.
Books really have to keep me entertained in order to do that!
From the moment I started reading I realised I had fallen in love with MAVIS UPTON, she is my kind of woman – this is in one word, hilarious. I could envisage every moment and feel every emotion, it feels true. Poignant at times, emotional and sometimes scary. This is the reality of being a Police Officer but with a very lighthearted edge. My only disappointment was that I had been asked to review three chapters – I was left wanting more, not next week, not next month but now!

(c) 2015 GJK



  1. Paul says:

    Great stuff, can’t wait for the book to see how ‘Mavis’ fairs !! x Paul (onlyeverusedtobeoneofme7816!!) Grant…

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